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Memorial Videos

How to digitize family history

5/27/2025

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Today is a good day to digitize your family history. The equipment has never been cheaper, storage for your files - both at home and online - is all but free, and once done, you remove forever the risk that a fire or flood carries away your heritage.

Had digital storage been around 40 years ago, then the federal government would not have lost some 18 million military personal records in the 1973 National Archives Fire in Overland, Missouri. Around 80% of all US Army personal records relating to discharges between 1912 to 1960 went up in smoke, along with US Air Force and US Reserve personnel records. Those records are now gone baby. Gone.

No excuses now though.
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The Best Insurance

And once you have digitized your family history, you can make multiple copies - or pass on multiple links - and ensure that all family members have their own copy. You can borrow photos and documents from that reclusive, squirrelly cousin, make copies, and finally get your hands on the records that probably should have passed to you in the first place!

When I visited my in-laws recently, I got hold of a scanner and copied all the photos from their old albums and even copied some old documents that had been buried in a dusty old scrapbook for decades. Some pages were too delicate to flatten out onto the scanner glass, so I just took pictures with my digital camera.
Every kind of family history artifact such as photographs, documents, films and videos, personal items, audio recordings - even stories that so far only live in a human mind - can be recorded, preserved and stored in a digital file. It's the best insurance.

Formats Changing?

Now, the technique for digitizing each kind of family history artifact differs a bit, and I will cover each one in turn. But before that, here's some advice that covers them all.
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Don't worry about new technology. I often hear people say, "How do I know what format to use? No sooner do they invent some new gizmo than a new one comes along and makes the old one obsolete." And that's true. But don't worry about it. There will always be converters and people who can move files from one to the other. How do I know that? Because right now, today, there is not a single format - from before daguerreotypes right through to Betamax and VHS that cannot be converted. Not a one.

File Sizes?

Don't scrimp on file size. The old rule was that you should keep your digital files small because that way you wouldn't gum up your hard drive. Have you seen the price of computer storage lately? You can get a terabyte of space for about $100. Let's say one photograph, scanned in super fine detail, takes up 5 MB. You will be able to store 200,000 photographs for a hundred bucks!

And family history video - which used to choke the old drives - now barely causes a burp.

Online or Home Storage

Where ever possible, take advantage of sites like Flickr, Picasa and YouTube and store family history picture and video files online. Storing things on your own computer is essential, but online storage is free - or close to - and can be accessed from anywhere. The future of computing is almost certainly going to see us own one giant or lots of smaller digital bins out in the "cloud" that we can tap into whenever we need to.
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My guess is that in this future, the programs we will increasingly use will be "open source" - meaning that you won't need to own or be forced to buy the software to access and enjoy your digitized family history data. (Just look at "OpenOffice" that gives you - for free - most of the Microsoft Office suite.)


But don't throw away your hard drive just yet. Whenever you upload audio, video or pictorial material to a site, even a free site like HubPages, make sure you keep a copy in your own files. That goes double for programs which are not free or which require a monthly subscription - like Ancestry.com. If the site disappears overnight, you don't want your data going AWOL.

OK. So much for the why. Now for the how.

Photos and Documents

This is the easy part of digitizing family history. You can use a flatbed scanner to scan photos, along with slides and even photograph negatives. (Make sure you clean the glass and blow the dust off first.)
What resolution? The choice you make will depend on whether you intend to use your pictures on computer screens and monitors; or if you will want to print them. Your average PC has a default resolution of 96 dpi, and print requires 300 dpi. So you could use these settings for those uses. If you are going to email or post the images, you could scan at 96 dpi. If you will want to print, scan at a minimum 300 dpi.

The safest course is to scan everything at a minimum 300dpi. And for originals smaller the 4x6, scan at 600dpi. Negatives and slides: scan at 1200 or 2400 dpi (it's going to be a bit slow at that resolution though).

And if for any reason it is not practical to scan, use a digital camera and take a snap! And once you are done, take the chance to tidy up any blemishes on the images: Professional photo restoration and retouching.

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Films and Video

For old film (8mm, 16mm etc) you could just project the film in your garage (nice and dark) and set your video camera up on a tripod and record that way.
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Or, if you don't have the projector, you are going to need to use a pro to convert (which ought to give you a better result - provided they use a Telecine machine). If you have a modern video camera that uses MiniDV, you can ask the guy in the store to output the file to a miniDV. Then you can upload that to your computer with your video camera - the same way you upload your regular footage. Otherwise, get them to burn a DVD.


For tape based family history film, like super 8 and VHS, you may be able to use your old camera as a player and hook it up with RCA cables to your new camera. Hit "play" on the old camera and "record" on the new and see what happens. Failing that, you will have to buy a pro deck or go back to your converter guy.
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Audio

Most of the time, old family history audio is preserved on audio cassette tapes. Often, someone in the family had the foresight to sit down and record grandma or grandpa telling their life story before they passed. And now they are gone, that old cassette is gold. Before you do anything else, break off that protection tab, the little square one at the top of the cassette attached on one side. With it safely removed, you cannot record over the tape. (You may need a small screw driver or a sharp fingernail to do it.)

Digitizing audio is pretty simple. First you need the player for the cassette tape. Then you need a 1/8th stereo headphone cable that you are going to connect from your cassette player to your computer (analogue) audio input. Then using "Audacity" or some other simple audio editing software, import the audio into the computer. Once you have ingested it, you can edit it into tracks, name them, and import those into iTunes. You can then burn your own CD from iTunes if you want.
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Today is the Day

For other kinds of family history material, you can use modern video, audio and still camera recorders to digitize. That will ensure that the record you create is already a digital record and can now be stored.
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Digitizing family history can be time consuming. Can you put it off? Back in 1973, the federal government may not have been able to digitize its records, but it could have at least photographed them for microfiche. But it put that job off. The consequences of losing this priceless material are so dire that we really have no choice. Today is a good day to digitize your family history.
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From the Your Story Here archives: the Life Story of WWII Survivor Volodymyr Szafranowycz

3/13/2025

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Volodymyr Szafranowycz survived the worst that the 20th Century could serve up. He is now dead; a troubled death in many ways – but who complains when death comes in their 80s? His family recorded the details of this 20th Century life in a life story video memorial. A video memorial whose value is now assured by the disappearance and eternal inaccessibility of its subject.
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The 20th Century was one of the ugliest in all of human history. Nations rose and fell, wars and revolutions were fought, and there was starvation and genocide – to say nothing of economic collapse and the threat of nuclear Armageddon. More than a few still alive among us suffered through much of this maelstrom. And some, like Volodymyr Szafranowycz – who survived the Nazis and more – have had video memorials erected to their passing.

Bloodiest Century
Was the 20th Century the bloodiest in all of humanity’s experience? Based on the sheer and absolute volume of death recorded, the answer has to be yes. The numbers are so staggering as to be incomprehensible. But is it really as Stalin once said: “One death is a tragedy; one million is a statistic”? For those who swam in the violent waters of the 20th Century, who came close to death themselves or who had loved ones die, there is tragedy aplenty in that million. And even more tragedy in the millions more who also perished.
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​Consider the life of a person – like Volodymyr – who at their inception in 1915 felt the concussions of the guns of the First World War, who lost their father to the civil war and the communist revolution in Russia, who suffered through the famine orchestrated by Stalin to kill off the troublesome Kulaks (and associated peasants); who was pressed into service to defend Soviet Russia against the German Army – only to become a prisoner of the Nazis.
Slim chances
Consider the chances for surviving all of those events – only to emerge at the other end of the Second World War to be captured anew and imprisoned by their own country accused of collaboration because they had not died defending their motherland.
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Extraordinary as all that may sound to modern ears, you could almost say that that person had a pretty average 20th Century. Better than some it’s true, worse than others. Luckier than some to be sure, less fortunate than others. Not that special. Not that unusual.
Funeral Slideshow and Memorial Video Sample
WWII Survivor: Life Story Video Memorial
He was born in Ukraine in 1915. His father was on the side of the communist revolutionaries and so Volodymyr saw little of him when he was a boy. And then Lenin died and Stalin took over the Party. And Volodymyr’s father was shot as a “counter revolutionary”.

Next the “Holodomor”, a famine encouraged by the Communists in 1932/3 to help rid the country of Kulak holdouts – those small farmers resisting the drive to collectivize the land and means of production, as the Party dictated. Volodymyr survived that, although his grandmother succumbed to the hunger and his uncle was eaten (cannibalized). He saw childhood friends waste away and die – including one boy who staggered to the cemetery to die – to be less of a burden on his family.

By the time Hitler invaded the Soviet Union in 1941, Volodymyr had been conscripted into the Soviet Army. Volodymyr’s voice can be heard elsewhere in the video memorial (he made audio tapes when he was in his 70s) telling how there were not quite enough guns to go around – but the men were reassured that with the normal toll of battle a rifle would become available as comrades fell. Stationed in Poland – in the land which Stalin had occupied in his side deal with Hitler – Volodymyr was captured on the first day of the invasion. He didn’t have time to find that gun – the Germans were like a tide.
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Volodymyr was not Jewish – so he was spared the worst of the Nazi’s hatred. But he was a “Slav”, which put him near the bottom of the Nazi race totem pole. He was not going to get any special favors and he became a prisoner of war and spent time in a concentration camp. But as he was the first to admit, it could have been much worse. Because he survived the ordeal and escaped the German child and elderly guards as the Russians advanced.
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Frying pan to fire
He was saved, right? Not so much. Stalin had specifically said that soldiers must die defending their country. Volodymyr was imprisoned by the Soviets: his crime then was that he did not die, as mandated. He was interrogated by SMERSH. (Volodymyr’s voice can be heard to crack as he recounts this story in the video memorial.) He was forced to dig his own grave. A gun was put to his head. What else did he know? What could he know? He survived with just a bashing. He was to be sent back to Mother Russia to be dealt with there.

So late one night it was a squeeze under the barbed wire and escape to the American Zone. Then three years as a displaced person in a UNRAA Camp. Then he was on a ship. He was getting to emigrate to a new country. Of course he had no family, no qualifications, he was 33 and he had no money. And he couldn’t speak the language of his new home.
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You gotta love that 20th Century. Quite a doozy.
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Ho-hum humdrum
But Volodymyr Szafranowycz’s life story is just not that unusual for a 20th Century European. His suffering wasn’t all that bad. There is barely a single Jewish family that does not have a far more chilling story that Volodymyr’s. And what about the blighted Armenians – to name just one more persecuted group?

But these stories are still important, if not unique. The people involved are more than the mere statistics that Stalin would condemn them to be. They are flesh and blood. And families have a duty to record these stories – to record all their stories of death, suffering, immigration, struggle and survival. And life story video memorials are one way of doing that for people who have passed.

A thoughtfully assembled video memorial will collect all the material remaining of the life just passed – the photographic record, the yellowing identity papers and immigration records, maps, the detritus of war service, the good opinions, the chronology, the genealogy, the audio and video which may have been made once the subject reached sanctuary. All that material can be woven into a fitting and deserved memorial recorded to video for all of posterity. This is work that can be done on a home computer and there are professionals who specialize in preserving extraordinary stories in video memorials.

Originally posted by Peter Shafron on June 8, 2011
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When Funerals became Celebrations of Life

10/30/2024

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​Funerals in America have gradually transformed from solemn gatherings to more personalized celebrations of life. In earlier times, funerals were deeply rooted in religious customs, emphasizing mourning and a focus on the afterlife. However, the 20th century brought about significant changes, with the rise of funeral homes, new embalming techniques, and an increasingly secular society.
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The shift toward celebrating life instead of focusing solely on death began as people desired more personalized ceremonies, commemorating their loved ones through memories, hobbies, and passions. This move was fueled by the increasing secularization of society and the emphasis on individualism. As people sought to honor their loved ones in ways that reflected their unique lives, celebrations of life gained popularity. Today, these events are often lighter, with uplifting music, favorite photos, and stories shared by family and friends. Much like the services we offer here at Memorial-Videos.com!
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The wake was traditionally a meeting of friends and family the night before a burial to make sure that the deceased did not awaken. The term ‘wake’ came literally from the practice of confirming that the person did not wake up! It was often accompanied by plenty of food and drink.

In the 19th century, the funeral industry begun to expand as towns grew into cities, and local cemeteries ran out of burial space. When Abraham Lincoln was killed and his body was taken on a two-week long procession, his body was embalmed for preservation along the trip. Embalming soon became a common practice, and the care of the deceased became a proper industry, with many seeking to become licensed undertakers. Funeral protection laws were subsequently enacted to protect from families from misleading practices such as requiring itemized lists.
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Modern funeral services offer greater flexibility, allowing people to incorporate elements that celebrate the deceased's personality and achievements. Although some critics worry this trend downplays the importance of grieving, many families find comfort in remembering their loved ones with joy rather than sorrow.
In essence, celebrations of life reflect society’s evolving approach to death, focusing not just on loss but on honoring a life well-lived. This modern approach helps families cope with grief while cherishing positive memories.
Read more about the evolution of American funeral customs on this blog by the Library of Congress here: https://blogs.loc.gov/law/2022/09/evolution-of-american-funerary-customs-and-laws/
And contact us here https://www.memorial-videos.com/contact.html to begin your video project today!
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Memorial Video: Fixing Photographs

10/11/2024

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Nothing makes a memorial video or a personal history project come alive better than photographs. In this blog I am going to tell you how to scan them and how to fix them so they'll sparkle in your work.

First, a warning. Never, ever take photos out of their albums. Albums do more than keep them protected. They provide contextual information. If you are having trouble dating a particular image, the chances are that the nearby images were pasted in at around the same time - so you can look for clues there. Also, grandma sometimes wrote captions on the pages and that information will be lost forever once the image goes.
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Scanning. It can be confusing. All those settings. High resolution sounds good but it's slow and takes up disk space. Low resolution is quick, the files are lean and Emailable, and the result looks good enough on the screen. Right? Well, maybe. Here are the rules you should follow:


If you are ever going to print the images, even maybe, then set the scanner at a minimum 300 dpi (dots per inch). 300 dpi is a good resolution for printing. For smaller photos, use 400 or even 600 dpi. For slides and negatives, use a minimum of 1200 dpi (I use 2400)

If you are only want to use the image on screens and in emails, iPods, phones etc, scan at 72 dpi. TVs and computers operate at 72 dots per inch (and on them it looks good). But here's the thing. Can you ever rule out printing the image? I doubt it. Given the effort to get the image to the glass, you are better off getting it right first time.

So, always scan at a minimum of 300 dpi. Too large to email? Cut it down later. Files too large to store? Hmm. Have you seen the price of external hard drives lately? They are cheap. (Last time I checked you could get 500GB for just over $100.)

And clean the scanner glass first, then blow the dust off the glass and then the image with a can of "Dust Off". This is especially important for slides and negatives. Itsy bitsy dust is all but invisible - but once you see the image in close-up, that dust mote will look like a boulder!

What about that "descreening" button? Only use it for newspaper, magazine or book images (halftones) or images printed on textured paper. Color restoration? Backlight correction? Sharpening? Experiment. (Although I prefer not to check any of those boxes and instead use my photo editing software.)

Alright. You have a scanned image. You open it up on your computer. Chances are it looks ...OK. Do you need to learn Photoshop to fix it? No. There are five main fixes that you can make on almost any came-with-the-computer program (like Microsoft Office Picture Manager) or simple programs like Google's Picasa. If you are careful, you can make the scanned image look better than the original!

Here are my five steps to fix photos: 1. Rotate (by degrees): Straighten those crooked horizons. 2. Crop. Cut out all that unnecessary sky or that garbage can or other useless background (or the white of the scanner lid). Let's get up close with the action. 3. Adjust color tone: maybe the image looks too washed out so boost saturation; maybe there's an unwelcome color tint - so adjust "hue". Then: 4. Correct for red eye (pets included).

Now here comes the most important one: 5. Fix contrast. The reason that a lot of images look terrible is that they don't have a full tonal range - they look "flat" or muddy. Once you boost the contrast so the blacks are black (not dark grey) and the whites are white (and not milky) - the image will really "pop". Play around with the "auto correct" or "I feel lucky" buttons to get the contrast working for you.

And always save the result under a different file name. You will want to keep your original scanned copies in case you change your mind later about your improvements.


Learn more about what to include in your Memorial Video: Memorial Video Advice
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Our Last Goodbye: Video Memorials & Funeral Slideshows

7/30/2024

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​Death is not new. And the way we celebrate the life just passed has its roots in ancient times. But the tools now available allow us to make our last goodbye memorable and meaningful in whole new dimensions with video memorials and modern funeral slideshows.
Rage, death and a woman's grief
It's true. We probably can thank the ancient Greeks for our modern approach to funerals. It was the Greeks after all who honed the funeral oration to a thing of beauty and high art; who made words uttered at the graveside a staple of every passing.

Some of the earliest instances of "eulogy" (a Greek word right there) appear in Homer's Iliad where the death of Patroclus all but drives Achilles, his friend, mad. His rage results in the death of Trojan hero Hector, whom Homer has lamented, fittingly, by his wife:
Husband, you were too young to die and leave me widowed in my home... You, Troy's guardian, have perished, you that watched over her and kept her loyal wives and babies safe.
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Andromache's thoughts turn from Troy to her own special grief: Mine is the bitterest regret of all because you did not die in bed and stretching out your arms to me give me some tender word that I might have treasured in my tears by night and day.


Perhaps the most famous funeral oration in the ancient literature is Thucydides' report of Pericles' speech for the first dead in the Peloponnesian War. Pericles pauses at the inadequacy of words: These men have showed themselves valiant in action and it would be enough I think for their glories to be proclaimed in action... Our belief in the courage and manliness of so many should not be hazarded on the goodness or badness of one man's speech.

Lincoln knew his Greek
Doubtless, President Lincoln read this classic passage before penning his brief but sublime Gettysburg address: ...we can not dedicate - we can not consecrate - we can not hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here…

Lincoln, at the time, thought his own words weak - and believed they went largely unheard. But History, which leans more on the artifacts left behind and their current impact, judges otherwise. Certainly, the humility and pain of the President, and the sacrifice and hope of the dead, is right there in the address.​
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What is good and worthy
Words composed for and spoken at a funeral do have a special resonance. In them, we try to sum up the life and show its meaning for us. We attempt, through the service, to show that the deceased mattered.

We also try to use the opportunity of the funeral to teach our children about the life, and what was good and worthy about it. We try to honor family, society and religious traditions. It's a lot to ask - especially at a time when we are often weakened by grief. But the occasion demands it.

So we recognize the importance of the funeral ceremony, which has changed from ancient times and which for many folks has incorporated many of the wonderful opportunities now available for celebrating a life. Such as video technology.

Nothing else comes as close to bottling reality as the moving image. Maybe that's because a film unspools in a continuous progression - just as life does. And video has sound as well as images - putting it ahead of photographs, bare sound recordings and even biographical writing in terms of capturing personality. So when it comes to keeping our loved ones alive - even cheating death in a way - the best option is often a memorial video: Memorial Video Contact Form

Youth, splendor, age and wisdom
A memorial video can present a life with an accuracy, an immediacy and an emotional impact never dreamed of by the Greeks. It gives us an opportunity to reflect on the life and recall the days of youth and splendor and as well as the years of age and wisdom. If we are lucky, there will be words of the deceased left behind on old tapes or letters that can be incorporated, along with images and music.

The challenge is to rise to this important occasion - to use the energy and impetus unleashed by the death to create a fitting tribute. The work can be done by the family - and there are resources available to help with that task: DIY Funeral Slideshows

Things to include in memorial video and funeral slideshows
Funeral slideshows are now well accepted. But they can be so much more than a hum-drum cycle through the old family album. The freedom and options we now have can give the deceased a kind of immortality that was undreamed of even 10 years ago. You may even have the skill and patience to create a truly epic tribute to the life now passed. If you don't, there are professionals to help who have made funeral slideshows a specialty.

For example, why not consider adding voice over to the slideshow? Lots of video editing programs will allow you to narrate some brief comments - or perhaps narrate the entire arc of the life - with a simple tech store mic. Family members may prefer to record their thoughts and memories and have them played - rather than have to confront an audience for their eulogy at the funeral.

Maybe there is old home movie footage. My experience is that where there is film of the deceased, there is never enough. It is usually fleeting, or the bit in focus is oh so brief. So you may want to slow it down.

Don't forget to find out about poems and sayings for the memorial video or funeral slideshow. Consider letters and handwriting. Consider a web posting. Consider all the artifacts of the life now passed.

Death is not new, but the pain it causes to those remaining is evergreen. We should take our lead from the ancients and properly honor those who have passed on. And we should take full advantage of our creative potential to make the celebration of the life worthy of our loved one and those of us they have left behind.
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Celebration of Life versus Funeral video: How to strike the right tone for a loved one’s video memorial

5/1/2024

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No matter when a loved one passes away, it is always too soon. Creating an uplifting video like we do here at Your Story Here Video Memorials is essential to celebrate a life well lived. 

The center piece of most video is going to be photos.  But there is so much more that can be included!  That is the importance of professional video editing like we do here, as opposed to using forms or templates. Because here at Your Story Here, we aim to tell the story of the life as best we can in time we have and given the resources available. 
When selecting photos for the memorial video, prioritize images that showcase the deceased's hobbies, passions, and zest for life. Include smiling portraits that capture their vibrant personality and love for adventure. Highlight moments of joy and laughter, celebrating the cherished memories they created with family and friends. And don't just include people! Four legged and other pets often become part of our family and if they are then they should also be included.
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We also encourage folks to incorporate quotations that resonate with the theme of celebrating life. A poignant reminder from Dr. Seuss encapsulates this sentiment: "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." Encourage loved ones to reflect on the happiness and love shared with the departed, finding solace in cherished memories. Sometimes we include words or wishes that have been shared with the family on the loved one's passing - they may have been shared in cards or email or even on social media.
Also we sometimes include cards, letters, birth certificates or other personal documents, baby books and any other artifact that helps tell the person's story. 
We also like to include video - either old family movies or more recent cell phone videos. The video memorial should be a heartfelt tribute, with family and friends sharing favorite memories about the deceased. Include footage of the departed engaging in activities they loved, whether it's dancing, gardening, or spending time with loved ones. These moments of genuine connection and joy serve as a beautiful tribute to their life and legacy.
Death is a natural part of life, but celebrating a life well-lived is a powerful way to honor the memory of a loved one. By choosing uplifting music, happy photos, meaningful quotations, and heartfelt anecdotes, we can create a video memorial that captures the essence of their spirit and the love they shared with those around them. Through celebration, we find healing and solace, keeping their memory alive in our hearts forever.
To get started on a video memorial or tribute video, such as a birthday celebration, contact us here. You may also view some samples here.

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How to Grieve for our Favorite Artists

10/5/2023

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Why do we grieve for people we've never met? A recent article in The Economist explains the strong emotional reaction many of us have when actors and musicians pass away is less logical than we may think. The passion us humans feel has been well documented over the years. 

After Alexander Pushkin was shot in a duel in 1837, crowds of mourners formed in St Petersburg, requiring 60,000 troops to supervise the gathered mass of people. 

Fervid lamentation in the death of Rudolph Valentino in 1926 saw many people enter into a frenzy . Fans who mobbed the funeral parlor in New York where he lay on view were restrained by mounted police, with several fans reportedly killing themselves.

Today’s celebrity obsequies tend to be less fanatical, and more digital - but passionate all the same.

Recent outpouring of grief for Cormac McCarthy, Tina Turner, and Jimmy Buffet are odd and almost irrational, the Economist says. Why?

Because unlike other kinds of personal grief, this outpouring for celebrities does not come from intimacy. Unless you were one of the few to have a genuine interaction with the person, it is a misappropriation to connect the artist’s work - which may not align with their own beliefs - with the tide of your own life.

Additionally, while the individual may no longer be with us, the element that originally drew people to that person - their art - is still there. In fact, death has the opposite effect to a person’s art once they are laid down to rest. Curiosity and intrigue often drive up sales.

It is true, however, that no more writing or music is released after a person dies. And that knowledge settling down in someone’s psyche can be a genuine emotion. It depends on the individual, but often times their best work was accomplished before their demise. 

A few exceptions to an artist certainly having released their most beloved projects are Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Amy Winehouse. Such early and untimely exits are tragic, and are surely worthy of genuine reactions and massive processions. Christopher Wallace, known by his stage moniker Notorious B.I.G., and the large-scale parade that followed his death at age 24, is perhaps the best example of this. 

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What does all of this say about how us as humans react to death? Is it self-indulgent to wallow in the death of a beloved celebrity? Can you tell a person how to feel about the passing of one of their favorite celebrities? 

The grief can be seen as a transitive form of gratitude for the way the artist formed the soundtrack for some part of a person’s life. 
Similarly for how we deal with the death of a loved one, these often digital outpourings of both distress and thankfulness are a very human. As death is as much a part of being human as forming friendships and growing older, it is in line with how we operate as social creatures that when we lose someone that meant something to us, whether they were in our daily lives or not, these feelings naturally come out.
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She wrote her own (funny) obituary...

9/8/2023

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"Man knoweth not his time: as the fishes that are taken... and as the birds that are caught..." as the Good Book says. So it is always wise to be prepared. And in our experience, many people are. Kay Heggestad is one: she was tragically struck with bone marrow cancer and decided to write her own obituary. It began:

"Kay Ann Heggestad, bought the farm, is no more, has ceased to be, left this world, is bereft of life, gave up the ghost, kicked the bucket, murió, c'est fini."

She died in January, 2017 leaving a husband, two children and two granddaughters. A doctor by profession, Kay did not want to pretend she was any kind of a hero as a patient:

"No one should say she fought a courageous battle, because she did not! Unlike most folks, she complained all the way. What a whiner! She was ready to quit treatment many times but her family pushed her to continue... she then had time to have parties and say good-bye to friends and relatives."

Kay Heggestad left the obituary on her computer with instructions to submit it to the local newspaper in Madison, Wisconsin, which her husband sadly did. And like any good spouse, Kay took the opportunity to get the very last word in:

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Our related blog article: "Why write your own obituary?"

And see: "In the Facebook age, more people are writing their own obituary"
"She had a great life and wants people to not grieve. (In case anyone would.) Grieving won't bring her back so what is the point... just makes you feel bad. And, she had a T-shirt that said, "I know what is right for everyone." She was right."

Making arrangements for your own, or someone else's passing, can feel like a transgression - an admission that the end is indeed nigh. Culturally, we are conditioned to deny the inevitable - or at least not speak its name.  And this is so even more for cancer sufferers who must "battle" to the very end and never give up hope. But planning and doing is therapeutic.  And when little more can be done to forestall the inevitable it can be good tonic - and sometimes even good fun - to take things into your own hands.

Kay's family celebrated two "celebration of life" parties while she was still alive.  She thought she would miss the third, when she was gone. But she was wrong.  She was there in wit and wisdom through all the fond memories and through her own hilarious obituary.
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Dying in the Digital Age - And Staying Alive

7/5/2023

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As a video biographer and personal historian, I am a grateful fan of Facebook. It helps us connect and stay up with family and friends, provides a free repository for our photos and videos, and offers an increasing array of tools and ideas for creating and preserving our personal history, including something important just announced.

Nowhere is Facebook more helpful than in tragic situations of death. When my good friend Peter died too young his family set up a Facebook "group" where we all shared stories, posted video, and uploaded precious images - all shimmering with fond memories (these are some of my photos here).

But that's not all...
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Memorializing Facebook Pages
For some time now Facebook has given family the option of "memorializing" a person's page after they have passed, including their photos and videos. Of course, you could do nothing and just leave the page as is. But:

When an account is memorialized, we set privacy so that only confirmed friends can see the profile or locate it in search. We... remove sensitive information such as contact information and status updates. Memorializing an account prevents anyone from logging into it in the future, while still enabling friends and family to leave posts on the profile Wall in remembrance.

There was a problem though - what if a family member or important friend wanted to log in to fix something, accept a friend request, post a video, or make some necessary changes such as removing off-color or even bullying posts? Who owns a Facebook page anyway? The issue of ownership and control has become a hot topic: At least five states (Oklahoma, Idaho, Rhode Island, Indiana and Connecticut) have passed legislation regulating one's digital presence after death, including email.  New Hampshire has been considering the same thing and there are calls for federal legislation.
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Your Facebook Executor 
Coming to terms with this groundswell, Facebook allows users to designate a "legacy contact". Once Facebook is notified that the person has passed away, they will memorialize the account and the legacy contact will be able to:
  • Write a post to display at the top of the memorialized Timeline (for example, to announce a memorial service or share a special message);
  • Respond to new friend requests from family members and friends who were not yet connected on Facebook; and
  • Update the profile picture and cover photo.
The legacy contact can be notified and given permission to download an archive of the posts, photos and profile info shared on Facebook. Operating a bit like a living will, the legacy contact will not be able to log in as the deceased nor see that person’s private messages. Alternatively, people can let Facebook know if they’d prefer to have their Facebook account permanently deleted after death. 

There is no true salve for the loss of a loved one. But social media is helping us to enjoy each other while we live, and to remember those who made our lives more liveable when they are gone. It's a kind of magic, social media immortality.
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DIY Video Memorial, Tribute or Obituary

4/19/2019

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How should we be remembered in our obituary or in our video memorial or tribute?

What do the experts say? You would think that a person who has spent their life writing obituaries (most recently for the Wall Street Journal) would know a thing or two about telling a person's life story.

Well, James Hagerty in the Friday April 29, 2019 edition of the Wall Street Journal is that person and he indeed has strong ideas about what matters in telling a person's story:

I don’t want what many people seem to consider the standard form for obituaries: A list of names, dates and achievements interspersed with quotes about my nobility, generosity and devotion to family.

Instead, the kernel of any life as he sees it is:
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What was the person trying to do? Why? And how did it work out?

Mr. Hagerty thinks the safest course is to write your own story while you can - setting us aside just 15 or 20 minutes a week until the job is done.  He thinks that it is perilous to leave it to family - who may make a hash of the job. And certainly, family don't know the terrain as well as the subject themselves.

But if withering honesty about the mission and struggle (with only intermittent successes) that life is to many of us, it is hard to know how many (if any) mistakes to own up to.  He says he always includes in his newspaper obituaries the ups and downs, the triumphs and errors, even the humiliations. And he believes that he must do the same for his own story.

But how many of my embarrassing mistakes, lapses and weaknesses should I record? And which ones? I’m still struggling with that part.

Perhaps we can agree that the savor of life is indeed partly the struggle. And even where a life ends in some comfort it is not remiss to mention goals attempted and even goals not reached.  It is important for younger folks to know that in many cases even a successful life was accompanied by setbacks.

We have assisted many individuals assemble their own video memorials, often assisted by a family member.  Sometimes the project is used to help celebrate a birthday then it lies ready to put into service when different circumstances demand!
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Dealing with Loss: Practical Tips from a New Book

1/17/2018

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Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive

It is the inevitability of loss that unites us all. And yet it is loss that can also separate us – not just from our lost loved one but from our family and friends. Sometimes the isolation arises through others simply not knowing how to interact with someone who is grieving – as Sheryl Sandberg wrote about in 2017 in “Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience and Finding Joy” after the death of her husband.

It is also true that we experience loss in different ways and the way that we feel we need to deal with life's toughest challenge can sometimes upset expectations.

“Isn't she over it yet?” “You need to get out more.” “Perhaps it's time you tried finding someone new.” These are all judgments and pieces of advice that are mostly well meant but are often wide of the mark and unwelcome. Is it so wrong to want to keep a lost loved one in our lives?

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There is a gulf which separates the “get over it” camp from the “it's OK to stay connected” folks. The gulf tends to be generational – old school versus new learning. It is also cultural – different societies have different ways of dealing with those who have passed on – some try to maintain a stiff upper lip and others have sought to maintain some connection and dialogue with the “spirits” of their dead. Psychologist Louise Kaplan is definitely new school:

“We are the only animal species that possesses – and is possessed by – history, personal and cultural. We are never entirely free of the past. The physical death of the beloved is not the end of our attachment to him or her. Their presence is always with us.” (“No Voice Is Ever Wholly Lost” 1996)
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For Kaplan, mourning is not about detaching ourselves from the ones we have lost, it is about finding helpful and satisfying ways to stay connected. And it is from that idea that Allison Gilbert ventures forth with a slew of excellent, practical, suggestions for staying in touch. She prefers to emphasize commemoration over sadness and preservation over relinquishment.
In her book "Passed and Present", Allison Gilbert makes 85 individual suggestions (“Forget Me Nots”) for keeping memories of loved ones alive. (But don't be alarmed or put off – the book is a nifty 200 pages, modestly priced, and an easy read.) For the purposes of this blog I will pass along seven (pretty much chosen at random).

1. Cook: Preparing a dish associated with your loved one can help make you feel closer to them. And it can create an occasion to talk about them. A related “Forget Me Not” is to assemble and digitize recipes associated with your love one.

2. Write it Down: Gilbert suggests recalling and writing down words and phrases used by your loved one. She suggests finding a small note book that can go wherever you go. (Or, if you have a smart phone you could use its “voice memo” app to orally record you recollection.)

3. Build or Designate a Refuge: Sometimes is helps to find or even create a special place to remember a loved one. You can choose to place items there or just know that that is your spot for quiet meditation.

4. Craft their image into art: Using an image of your loved one you can (now) have it printed onto any manner of permanent keepsake. (There are dozens of online photo printers who offer an enormous range of printable products.)

5. Invite Stories: using Facebook or a website (or just plain email or texting) ask people close to you or your loved one to share their memories. (You can do this with video or audio, encouraging people to use their smart phones and emailing, texting or posting the results.)

6. Hire a Personal Historian: Personal historians (Gilbert says) can help craft your family's story so that it's intelligible and captivating with a book, a video or a family website from the material they've collected or helped to catalogue (her words not ours we promise!).

7. Share Their Objects: Maybe the person was a collector or an artist or maybe you just have lots of their letters. Gilbert suggests that you can share those items broadly with family and friends. It may be the object itself or it maybe a printed or digital facsimile.

Gilbert has, of course, many other ideas associated with using photos, slides, audio and home movies – you have found this site after all so I am guessing you are already way ahead on those ideas! But however you choose to preserve or commemorate your loved one, remember that one of the keys is – as Cheryl Sandberg found – is to respect your feelings.
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